Baby names

It seems that it is that time, baby season. I know so many people who are gonna be having bambinos in the near future, that I thought I would put in my two cents. I think one of the best parts about having kids, besides all that mooshy -gooshy -snuggly -wuggly -love them forever- bit, is getting to pick their names. I wish it was a job. I would totally excel at it. I would hold classes, and when the parents are getting ready to put the pen to paper on that birth certificate of lil Felonee Albert Smith, I would be there, settin them straight. Let's talk names.

Princess: I see this one a lot. It is a title. In other countries, not so much here. One does not name their kid: Doctor, CEO, Lord, Lady, Commander In Chief, General. Princess should fall into those guidelines

Lucky: And what if the kid turns out not to be so lucky. They spend forever trying to live up to a name better suited for a dog.

Haney, Arpit: These made the list because, at first glance, and in conversation, people will constantly mistake them for Hiney and Armpit. That's no way to start kindergarten, known as Hiney.

Jeweley: Just name the kid Julie. The kid has no chance winning the 8th grade spelling bee with a name like Jeweley.

Nevaeh: Oh, so cute it's Heaven backwards. Puke. Overdone and not cute. Just ask the Natasha whose name backwards is ah satan. I'm sure she is feeling the backwards spellin' lovin'.

Irie: He goes to my kids school. I like to imagine his family. His dad is Bob Marley. And he has a brother named Doobie, and a cat named Bong.

Stetson: Goes to the same school. Could be a product of cowboy lovin, or really stinky cologne.

We all know celebrities name their kids like they are trying to win an award. Horrible Naming Job award. You never hear of them naming their kids Michael, Carrie, Nicole. Only Honor, Sunday, Apple, Kyd, Moxie Crimefighter.

SO, let's set some guidelines:

Don't open up the atlas and use it like it's a baby name book. Paris, Rome, Africa, London. Toyko and Bermuda is next.

Forget where the baby was conceived. Motel 6, Simmons Beautyrest, Dodge Neon, McDonald's Bathroom are obvious. Just don't even think about it.

Just because it was great grandma Brunhilda's name, doesn't mean it should be used. Some names aren't meant to be re-used.

If the time comes, and you were unable to find the time (NINE WHOLE MONTHS) to find a name, do not look around the delivery room for inspiration. Way to many Intravenous's, Cesarean's, Epidural's were named that way.

And above all, have fun. The name is the first on a long list of things you will screw up.

This concludes this weeks lesson on baby names.