Confessionsof a shopamomlic

I braved back to school shopping today. By myself, all three girls in tow. We had a plan... well I had a plan, and by golly we would follow it.

We headed down to the good mall. The mall that is a half hour away, but has the best selection. And the most stores. Well the most high end stores. Coach, Hermes, Louis, Betsey J, Tiffanys, all those stuck up punks are there. Nordys, Neiman, Bloomi, them snotty folks too. Macys- macy's has the brow bar.

The brow bar is where one plops their bushy caterpillar eyebrow sportin' ass in a chair and gets those suckers ripped off in a flash of burning hotness. I love the job they do, shaping and styling and filling them in, looking like a celeb in In Touch magazine. I of course had an overgrown weed garden growing above my eyeballs that needed tended so that was our first stop.

She did a magnificent job, and I sat there patiently while she finished up, holding my breath since her hand was a millimeter from my mouth and I didn't know if she had swine flu or typhoid fever and didn't want to breath in some deadly amazon jungle vapors. Or something contagious like that.

Next stop was MAC..... the make up wonderland. Showing off my newly found eyebrows, I wanted to see what was new. I didn't get many offers of help from circus clowns, which was odd, but whatever. Lunchtime was coming up.

We order, at 2 different places and I sit down. I put napkin in my lap and realize someone has.....

left the barn door open.
Um, as in my zipper is not in the upright position. I am tramping around with my business file exposed. Serious confidentiality breach.

Better yet, I have on green and white striped underwear. So I'm all paranoid that someone has been enjoying a Where's Waldo peep show- Leprechaun edition- as I've been walking around. I should charge admission.

Sometimes I'm a walking train wreck.... missing a door on my caboose.