Monkey Business

I live in a zoo. And like most zoo's, my animals thrive best in their natural habitat. I send the little monkeys outside when they start climbing the walls. They get all the organic dirt and leaves they can eat, and the occasional leftover dirty chip from someone's 80's party 2 weeks ago. They fall back to their primitive ways, complete with teeth gnashing, and hair pulling. If we had a coconut tree, they would throw coconuts. Instead, they settle for fluorescent green softballs, with a wiffle bat. Strange combination, but it works.

The older monkeys can open the door, get themselves a drink, leave a dirt trail, and complain about dinner taking too long to make. The little one, is trapped. She has to rely on other ways of getting the zookeepers attention. And don't let her fool you, she has a system figured out. It goes a little like this:

"Hey. You. Hellooooooo. Stupid lady thinks I'm a monkey. I'm a pig for crying out loud."

"She's looking right at me. I"ll blow her kisses. Kill her with kindness. That will get her to open this door. MUAH! MUAH!"

"McFlyyyyyyyyyy? Anyone there? I can see you laughing on the other side. Maybe I'll try making muffled noises on the glass, complete with drool droppings...(she hates drool droppings)....."MMMBPHFCFLLLYYYY?"

"I'm not going anywhere. I can out wait you. 21 months in this world and I have learned that screaming loud/ hitting the door with the bat will do wonders. Do I need to get the bat?

I see you looking at me. Do you feel me stealing your soul? Because I am trying hard..."

"Desperate times call for desperate measures. I'm gonna pull the 'Elvis with the double handed grubby palms sliding down the door, lost puppy look'."

(deep elvis voice) "hey little momma..."

Oh I see her laughing, she's coming, she's almost here......anddddddddddd--- doors open! Ha..Sucker! Gets her every time."

I let the monkey in, as you can see by the grimy finger/face/hand/body prints on the door, it's not her first time pulling this scam. The girl is good.