Friday, August 31, 2007

Grooooosssssss Britney

Ummmm Britney Spears? What the trainwreck? Have you seen the recent pics of her caboose not covered? We're not talking low riding pants with her crack hanging out, oh no, we are talking straight up, butt baring, NO Pants, shopping around town! With some ugly brown boots. Could you imagine if you saw Susie Homemaker, grocery shopping in the cracker aisle, wearing a top that slightly skims her toosh? I would assume that the poor lady suffers from some sort of mind altering disease, and doesn't mean to be out in public with her bits hanging out.

So Streaker Spears really ignored the multitude of people that undoubtedly explained that she really is only wearing a shirt, and that perhaps she might want to put on the pants she misplaced? The girl is worth millions of dollars, driving around in a new car, but can't afford pants? I would have driven Her Bareness to the store and said, "Oh, it's Wal Mart -they have cheetos, your fav-, and oh well looky here, they have pants. Get a pair." But no, Miss Trainwreck continues on her path of self destruction, showing up in no pants, with a shirt that leaves no imagination to her dimpled derriere. And if the fashion police were busy arresting other plaid clashing offenders, surely indecent exposure is still a crime...... And my other question is, if you could see that much of the rear... um what about the front porch? Hopefully she looks back on this pics, in hindsight, (every bit of pun intended) and think "What a mess. I really should invest in, I dunno, PANTS."

I would post the link to the sites that have this skin faux pas, but no one wants to see Britney's nekkidness. I have to go bleach my eyes out now.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Webkinz are the devil!

Webkinz is like crack. Ok, it is complete and total crack.. of the stuffed animal variety. Kids all over, including my own, are addicted to these fluffy little dolls. They are the Beanie Babies of the new millennium. I bought the first ones for the kidlets while we were away on vacation. I help them set up their accounts and turn them loose. They bought silly things like bathing suits and pools, before we had the chat about actually needing to feed the pet. Though, would Webkinz actually have a pet die? I hope not.....

Then I figured out the "daily" things that needed to get done, like Wheel of WOW, Wishing Well, jobs, and other things. I wished someone passed me some cash when I did the "dailies" around here... like the Sweep O'Floor, Black Hole Vacuum, Dishes Sorter, Fluff and Fold. Life would work out much nicer. Instead, I find myself, answering ridiculous questions about if a mudburger is a pig's favorite food and if bats are blind. I refuse to admit which ones I got wrong... in the 5-7 age category.

I log in, after they head off to bed, and well... earn them money, resist the urge to decorate for them, keep myself from building up gardens and selling silly things. Yesterday, they got playing time taken away for today. However mean my mommy heart can be, these little Webkinz gremlins have me loggin in and taking care of the daily stuff. I swear they have sucked out components of my brain, and replaced them with Bingoz and Gem mining. These things cost 9.99 to 12.99, My kids have 2 each... I have spent 50 bucks on stuffed animals... and might. spend. more. I converted a friend today, she headed out, while on the phone with me, to become part of the "W" cult. Am I ashamed to say I helped contribute to the delinquency of a Mom? Heckings no, now she and I can share Webkinz tips along with who's hot in Hollywood. I might need to go to Webkinz detox.... after I get my daily kinzcare.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Toilet Tornado warning for your viewing area

I have a 13 month old. She is sweet and very loving. I decided I should check out a baby development chart and see where she's at. You know, make sure she is on track, developing okay, that kind of thing. This is what I found:

13 Months
Most babies should be able to . . .
Say two or more words other than mama or dada ("Yucky" and "Nonononono" count, right)
Stand well (while in the shopping cart or her high chair)
Bend over to pick up objects (like the contents of my purse)
Take a few steps (in the opposite direction)
Walk with help (yeah, help to where she should be, not where she would like to go)
Drink from a cup independently (throwing cup independently?)
Say three or more words other than mama or dada (uh-oh, don't hit, and sister)
Respond to command without gestures (when I tell her no, she would totally flip me the bird if she could)
Scribble with markers or crayons (on the floor, and fridge

Try and lift heavier objects (shoes into toilets, perhaps)
Roll a ball back and forth more actively (until she found the wipes and decided to empty them all out)
Combine words and gestures to make his or her needs known (once again, the bird and "I'll do what I dang well please"...if she could)
Walk well

Nowhere on this list does it say practicing the backstroke- in the toilet. Yes, I have a bona fide toilet traveler, where in her travels of just today she managed to test the waters in not one, oh not two, but 3 of our household lavatories. She makes a mad dash behind her older siblings, for while they are potty trained, they are not quite trained to shut the lid AND the door to the bathroom. The door is merely there for personal challenge purposes, she can open those quite fine. Sometimes it alerts me to well laid plans of my little Porcelain Bowl Princess, other times it buys me time to get her before she goes dipping. Today, 2 shoes were christened. I hope they enjoyed their refreshing dunk. The second time a piece of modeling clay from the oldest's desk went for a dive. It sinks. All while the clock is ticking on getting to school.

I spoke to her other parental figure about our Bathroom Houdini, and how we need toilet locks. Which is probably just a small deterrent until she is 14 months. Now she is awake, and is no doubt concocting a new plain for medaling in the swirly Olympics.