adventures in baking

The last day of school has arrived. I had been hopping around in blog land and saw someone's adorable rainbow cake. And I straight up copied their idea. I wish I could take all the fabulous Martha Stewart, Suzy Homemaker, Mrs. Cleaver credit, but alas I cannot. I filed away the info and busted it out for the last day.

It was going well, the cake making. I had all the colors, I made the cake batter according to my grandmother's betty crocker secret recipe. It was 2 boxes of white cake mix, because of course you have to mix the colors in, and have enough for each layer. I carefully measured out my colorful batter and distributed it evenly into 6 greased cake pans. (disposable ones, because I don't own 6, and I have patience the size of a gnat's eyelash). I then set them in the oven to cook.




See. Cooking beautifully. I took them out and let them cool.


fast forward to icing time. I'm mixing the icing.....when the Baloney strikes. Just because I planned on this gorgeous cake full of color and promises of happily ever laughter, lucky charms, money in a pot... doesn't mean I'll get it. She walks behind me and dumps a cup of water on top of the purple layer, in it's cake pan. Now I have goblin puke floating in a metal circle. I think even the devil quaked a little in his boots when I realized what she had done. I banished her to community service and dishwasher duty until she's 36. A fair punishment.

Until I realize the green layer had met a similar fate. Soggy cake remnants crumbled in my hands, along with my dreams of creating a Norman Rockwell school ending homecoming. Instead we're about to have cake, 2 colors short of a rainbow. I felt defeated. How were my kids going to come home and not question their mother's intelligence? I mean my first grader was going to have a hard time figuring out why I don't know there is more colors to a rainbow than four....

I slapped the remaining colors together, iced the heap of colorful failure I call cake, and decided to hell with it, I'm decorating with m and m's. And then I did.


So that's the story of the rainbow cake that wasn't.

Cupcake fever

The husband does not like cake. He doesn't hate it or anything, but I will never hear him request cake. Unless it's pineapple upside down cake. Then he will ask for that. But he loooves cupcakes....try to figure that one out. Who wants to break the news to him that... um... cupcakes are like the single serve portion of cake. Weird, I know.

For his big 3-0, I decided I wanted to make him Samoa cupcakes. I think I saw them on foodgawker and knew he had to have them. He loves Samoas... eat-the-whole-box-in-one-sitting kind of love. I worry every year that he will leave me for that little hussy of a purple box, but then I always realizes it's just a spring time fling. I still have my eye on those caramel and chocolate man stealers though, you never know.

I decided to make both pineapple upside down cupcakes, since he did ask for that, and surprise him with the samoa cupcakes. I used the recipe on this website, she has some yumtastic recipes, like stuffed artichokes, and carrot cake ice cream... heaven.

http://the-cooking-of-joy.blogspot.com/2009/04/samoa-cupcakes-and-cupcake-exchange.html

Now, there was an original recipe that she linked to, but it was way too involved for me, so I followed her instructions. No homemade caramel sauce here. There is love for Martha Stewart, and there is love for Sandra Lee. I can do the Martha, but most certainly this was time for channeling my inner Sandra. I used caramel sundae syrup in mine. These cupcakes were the love child of Sandra and Martha.... complete with homemade ganache and store bought yellow cake mix.

Pineapple upside down cupcakes were easy. I melted brown sugar and butter together, put some in the bottom of my cupcake pans that were greased, no liners. I then cut half a pineapple ring, then cut off a smidge more and put them on top of the brown sugar sauce, then a cherry, and poured yellow cake mix on top. Easy Peasy. When done, I popped them out, upside down of course and made homemade whip topping. Which is easy. My servant KitchenAid does all the work. I like being lazy like that.

He devoured both cupcakes, all 6475 calories of them.

Why the Internet tries to sabotage my healthy ways....

I have 3 kids.

Three different births, the last a c-section. People have c-sections all the time. The difference in mine was it is straight down my stomach. Not the cute little bikini cut that will hide itself when you work off all the baby weight and buy a skimpy bikini to hang out on the beaches of St. Tropez. Nope, mine is from belly button to pubic bone. It almost needs slices on the side to be an arrow. Pointing down... towards the business. Then I will tattoo "Not always an exit" on it. Because I am creative like that. The whole point in telling you about my split gut is that it does just that. Indents a little inward. And when I gain weight.. Holy moose knuckle. Like a huge cameltoe..... but on my stomach. yes I said cameltoe. I just watch it get baggier. Then I have nightmares of Jon and Kate plus 8, the way her stomach looked pre-tummy tuck. Elphantitis of the stomach flab.

So that and the fact that I swear my backfat and buttfat have decided meet, become BFF's, and be joined at the hip, I have (for real this time, really really reals) decided the chunk has got to go. I even bought an elliptical. Then I learned that you have to use it to become effective. And while you use it, you have to step away from the french fries. Even Del Taco french fries. and cheese enchiladas. And learn that it is cool to eat an apple a day.

Last Monday, I jumped on that elliptical and became a filthy, sweaty beast. And every day since... for a half hour. I feel like I am gonna die....then I just say (in time to the movement) "I will be hot, I will be hot, I will be hot." Because that's my goal. Absolute hotness. Goodbye belly blubber, hello bikini. and uh... pants that fit. I'm eating everything healthy, and fresh. I'm lovin it.

I need recipes for my new hot life. So I'm looking around my favorite food porn website, Foodgawker, and this pictures jumped out and did a striptease in front of me.





THIN MINT CUPCAKES!?!?!?!?!
Holy mother of yumminess!

Thin mint is my favorite girl scout cookie. And oh my sweet heavens... a cupcake.... with them....it's such a love story. I went all over this website... and it has coconut cake, and lemon cakes, it all looks amazing.

So would someone please make these. I can't make them. Fatbag belly, remember. I could do just one........

Must... stay... strong.....

Auntie Anne's Copycat Recipe

The kids and I made pretzels. Super soft fluffy pretzels. Tasted just like Auntie Anne's,right out of the oven, that haven't been sitting in a warmer forever.

I wowed them with my Pretzel twisting finesse. Little known fact, I actually used to be a manager at Auntie Anne's... in high school. Good times good times. And if anything I walked away with the ability to twist a pretzel like it's my job. Because it was my job. It paid for cute shoes and expensive shampoo.

This is the recipe we used. Loved it.

1 1/4 c. warm water
1 TB. active dry yeast
3 3/4 c. all purpose flour
3/4 c. powdered sugar
1 1/2 tsp. salt
2 tsp. veg., canola, whatever kind oil
1 1/4 c. baking soda
1/4 c. butter melted or more.



A separate bowl with 4 cups of warm water (not boiling, but slightly over-warm)
1. Dissolve yeast in 1 1/4 c. warm water, set aside.
2. Combine flour, sugar, salt in a large bowl. Add yeast mixture and oil. Stir with spoon and then use your hands to form a ball. Knead on a floured surface for 5 mins. Place the dough in a slightly oiled bowl and cover with a warm towel, leave to rise for about 45 mins. until double.
3. Preheat oven to 425.
4. Make the 4 c. warm water bath and add baking soda, stir until mostly dissolved.
5. Remove dough from bowl and divide. (It says 8 even portions, and roll out three feet long and twirl in to pretzel shape. )
6. Dip each pretzel briefly into the baking soda bath. You can either blot on a paper towel or give it a shake. Put on a greased baking sheet and bake for 4-5 mins. and turn pan around for another 4-5 mins. When done, Dip briefly in melted butter and drain on paper towels. IF you want the salted kind, sprinkle with salt before baking. If you want cinnamon sugar, dip in cinn. sugar mix after dipping in butter. Enjoy!

halloween food goodness

I love any reason to celebrate. And Halloween gets oodles of attention. I like creating, and decorating, and kind of sort of like my kids too, so, well this is what you get.

This was what I packed for lunch. I cut out sandwiches in the shape of pumpkins, made witches fingers out of string cheese and bell pepper nails, and monster mouths out of apple, peanut butter, and marshmallows. I topped it off with a little note, and drawings. I so wanted to play a trick and fill their lunches with fake bugs, but maybe next year.



I decorated the table, and chandelier, complete with skulls and hanging bats, that Baloney spent hours trying to knock down.




We ate:

Mummy Dogs



Spider cupcakes



Goblin Brain



Monster Eyeballs



Goblin Guts



Vampire Blood, complete with blood thirsty worms.



Any moment that I can sprinkle magic into the lives of my children, I'll take it. It is most certainly about the little things. :)

tastes of fall

I love apple cider, apple pie, apple crisp, apple bread, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin bread. Stew in the crock pot. Chicken and noodles. I throw down in the fall, after salads all summer.

I made Candy Apple Pie a few weeks ago. It was pure apple goodness. We went apple picking a few weekends ago, picked the smallest apples ever, but made apple pie anyways. With ice cream and warm caramel topping. Drool drool drool.

Chicken Cordon Bleu

Remember how my kids balk at meal times? They throw this down! Though, I'm sure I have just been lured into a huge trap of indulging my children with exotic french cooking, just so they'll eat. But really, the joke is on them, cuz Iknow nothing about france or french kissing. it is not true that I had some boy at an outdoor concert try to tickle my lungs with his tongue and I was thoroughly disgusted so i took his hand and wiped his slime off my mouth. Nor was I 17 at the time. A lot of details to a not true story, but I'm sticking to my guns. And straightening my halo.

So the bleu was a hit. I also slather a little dijon mustard on the chicken before I lay down the ham and cheese. Give it a little tang. Not tongue. Like the above referenced story. They love it. I am in their good graces, and no one paid me to make it. Try it Mikey, you'll like it.

Banana Crumb Muffins

We like muffins in this house. And banana bread. So when my 29 year old husband started acting like a 4 year old, whining about banana bread, and how would really like some, I gave in. Because I am a super fabulous wife like that. And um, the bananas were getting super ripe.

I came across this recipe on www.allrecipes.com and it is good. As in it made 11 muffins, made them at 7pm and they were gone by 7 am. That good. I mean, if the bananas are starting to look like somebody kicked their arses, then smash em up.

Banana Crumb Muffins

Submitted by: Lisa Kreft Rated: 5 out of 5 by 3529 members

Prep Time: 15 Minutes Cook Time: 20 Minutes

Ready In: 35 Minutes Yields: 10 servings

"A basic banana muffin is made extraordinary with a cinnamon-and-brown-sugar streusel topping."

INGREDIENTS:

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon baking soda 1 teaspoon baking powder 1/2 teaspoon salt 3 bananas, mashed 3/4 cup white sugar

1 egg, lightly beaten 1/3 cup butter, melted 1/3 cup packed brown sugar 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour 1/8 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1 tablespoon butter

DIRECTIONS:

1.	Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Lightly grease 10 muffin cups, or line with muffin papers.
2.	In a large bowl, mix together 1 1/2 cups flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt. In another bowl, beat together bananas, sugar, egg and melted butter. Stir the banana mixture into the flour mixture just until moistened. Spoon batter into prepared muffin cups.
3.	In a small bowl, mix together brown sugar, 2 tablespoons flour and cinnamon. Cut in 1 tablespoon butter until mixture resembles coarse cornmeal. Sprinkle topping over muffins.
4.	Bake in preheated oven for 18 to 20 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into center of a muffin comes out clean.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED © 2008 Allrecipes.com

Printed from Allrecipes.com 9/8/200

Yumtastic

www.foodgawker.com

Will totally make you feel like a dirty food perv, peepin on all the awesome food and recipes.

Scrumptious

Made THIS yesterday.

Oh.My.goodness.

Run, now and make them.

(and I only used half the butter and 1 cup of sugar, because I felt guilty like that.)