Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Which means may trips to Joanns fabric . Joanns is the armpit of society these days. I have been twice in the past 2 days. Went to one that is further away, in Little Mexico. Seriously every store surrounding it started with El. El Laundromat, El Check into Cash, El Meat Counter, stuff like that. The actual fabric store is in a run-down old Safeway left over from the sixties. But I put on my big girl panties and dealt with it.
I spend a good half hour picking out what I need, and get in the cutting line. When Baloney announces she has to go potty. And she's two. SO when the 2 year old needs to jump on the throne, you run and get it done. Because who wants to deal with pee pee pants and puddles in public. I'm looking around, can't find the restrooms, so I go up front and ask. I wait a bit while they finish their conversation about earthworms and plastics, and then ask where the bathrooms are. I am then informed that they don't have "public restrooms".
WTF?!?!?! This big ol Joanns has no "public restrooms." Whatttt. How about paying customer restrooms? It's not like it's Walgreens where you run in and out. It's a place where people sit, look through books, molest fabric, I mean really. I then ask if they have a bush for her to pee in. Ok, so I didn't really...but I should have. I then take Baloney, load her up in the car, drive her across the 4 lane road to Burger King because if Joann's doesn't have public restrooms, I had a feeling that El dry cleaners didn't either. And I don't read spanish. so there.
We head back to Joann's, get Baloney back out, get out stupid fabric cut and go home and cry for 4.5 hours.
And I decided to torture myself again and head to another Joann's today. This time it was a real quick stop. Baloney climbed into the basket part of the cart and was playing with Dora and Diego. She had taken her shoes off, and I told her she needed to put her shoes back on so she could walk. She stands up to put her boot on, and Amazon Scissorhands screeches in her screechy voice. " Oh honey, she has to sit down while she is in the cart."
Um.. WTF? Who are you? Shopping cart police. I'm annoyed with the fact that I am called Honey. I'm not her honey, and I'm not 5, but thanks. Second of all, I like to think on most days I do the responsible parent thing and pay attention to the safety of my kids. She is not even 3 feet tall, so she'd have to be doing the Samba to fall out of the cart, She's not. She's bent over and I am within an arm's reach of bringing her back to safety. I say "she is fine." Amazon Scissorhands tells me that it is a rule that she has to be sitting. I retort with a juvenile "Says who?" I ask where these rules are posted. She says they aren't. Duh. I guess I must have totally flunked shopping cart etiquette 101 in my parent handbook. She then says "Well, we had a kid tip out, so we are making sure that all children are sitting down." I should have asked her if she is checking immunizations and food intake as well. After all, all children need things like food.
Joanns can kiss my fabric covered ass.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
My fave new fabric. I drooool over it. It is white, and lacy, and pleated. Gorgeous. I might make a dress out of it, or just hoarde it. In other words I have no plans for it, but it wanted to come home with me.
This bunch of fabric screamed quilt. For picnics in the park, or to lay across my bed. It makes me happy.
This is the back for the above quilt. It too makes me happy.
This is the makings of disneyland outfits. I also have pink paisley, black and white zebra. It will be Mickey Mouse cutouts. And my kids will look back on their pictures and make fun of them. I don't care. It makes me happy.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
This past weekend we were at the Wal Mart. Wal Mart who never fails in it's WTFness glory. You can always go in, and experience at least one WTF. If it's not some lady trying to impress you with her 10 years of Wal Mart service yet doesn't know the standard policy, or the cutting lady in the fabric department who is really annoyed that you *gasp* asked her to cut you a few yards of tulle, or just the type that Wal Mart attracts.
It was during our family jaunt for Valentines, specifically Littlest Pet Shop- that they didn't have so we could have really just walked out, but nooooo we needed to get snack bags. And if you give a girl some snack bags, chances are she'll need some cans of kidney beans to go with it. I was making chili, and needed some beans, killin 2 birds with one stone and all.
We are in the canned aisle of spaghettios, corn and the like. A mom and daughter duo in front of us, and Shirley to the left. Now, to really relate to this story, I need to tell you about her size. I am not one to point out who struggles, who doesn't, etc, about their weight, but this is essential. She was big. Very big. Normally not something to bring up in a story, but like I said, it's a necessary evil in this case. I'm slinking down the right side of the aisle, minding my own beeswax, waiting to get to the bean section.
And then the sky clouded over.
Big Shirley steps right next to me, raises her larger arms, and practically smothers me.
She is in such a hurry to get to the Spam, no lie-- she was loading up on the Spam-- that she didn't notice me, and my entourage of children, cart and husband. She brushes up on me, like body to body, closer than two sardines in a burrito. I'm getting all kinds of claustrophobic and my brains is screaming wtf over and over, I'm trying to get out of the way. Who just steam rolls people, with no regard to personal space? She was literally all up on me, skin contact, being a large space invader, it was..... gross. because of all the horrors, she forgot deodorant. I swear some pit vapors got on my clothes.
I scurry like a rat with a cat on it's tail and say "Excuse me." I didn't know what to say, I was just glad to be alive. The husband is behind me and is floored as well. She doesn't say a word. She tosses an annoyed look my way, because I had the nerve to be standing in front of the canned gelatin cat puke. My bad.
I hate Wal Mart, for about 10,000
Friday, February 06, 2009
stopped in COACH...and they were having a sale. I'm such a sale crack addict. But I have rules...it has to be like at least 50% off to be a GOOD sale. And imagine that it was 50%off.....off the freakin sale price. COACH- come to mama.
so here is my new bag from COACH:
It's kind of ugly...but it was free.
Anyways, I bought this for the sister. Because she just had a birthday and she rocks...and needs a little extra COACH lovin in her life right now. She is a purple lover, and this little gem is purple and silver. (even though it kind of looks green instead of silver, it's not. really. it isn't) And this way I get all the credit and the big sister goddess best person in the world label. I'm very humble like that. (pssst...not to drop dollar amount...but $25 is kind of accurate. I had to sell my soul to the devil but....just kidding) Just try and tell me that 25 dollas make you holla COACH purses is sooo not an amazing sale.
And this baby is MINE. ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL MINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I'll tell you right now, and some COACH lovers will be horrified, but I have never had a designer purse before now. Target and Roxy are so gonna give my new one the cold shoulder. I have had a COACH wristlet before though... so it's not like I am a total COACH virgin. This one... this one called my name out and then jumped in my hand. It whispered sweet nothings in my ear, and promised a life of love and laughter, in good times and in bad..... I knew we were meant to be together. Plus the color makes me swoon. It matches my room. I'm in love.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
I was all "WTF" over the family room though. On the coffee table, amongst the matchbox cars and popcorn dishes, was a plethora of other learning materials. Complete with visuals of all kinds of STD's. I had nightmares of Gonorrhea and her sister Chlamydia for days. Not sure why it was on the coffee table though...so their kids could read up on what dad does all day?And.... instead of putting shapes into a shape sorter, they had pull apart female reproductive system, kind of a uterus meets Mr. Potato head. It was violating in about 30 different intellectual ways.
They arrived home around midnight, after I put their own products of reproduction to bed. They both were a little on the sloshy side, and she had some dark purple teeth. Apparently they had been wine tasting, She hands me $50 dollars and off I go.
The next day at work (the daycare) she tells me that I was lucky she was tipsy because I'll never see that amount of cash for babysitting again. WTF?!?!?! I wondered if she realized she gave me 50... for 2 kids... for about 6 hours.... that's nothing special. She made it sound like she had given me a hundred or something. Sureeee didn't. I totally felt like I was owed an office copay after spending the evening in the hoo haa doctor office of horrors.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Middle hasn't been drinking her drinks at lunch because she can't open them. They are Target brand and I bought them on a whim. Because I wass too lazy to go to Costco. Now I'm a crappy mom title holder. Of course it would help if the lunch ladies helped her....or perhaps if she even asked them. Sometimes I wish she would realize that her shyness bites her in the butt. Or deprives her of liquid.
Baloney. Ohhh Baloney. Went to bed with aloe vera lotion in her hair. ALL OVER HER HEAD. Like crusty mccrusterson in the morning. It was gross. Then she peed her pants a few times today, ran from me at softball practice.... and several other heart stopping moments that I won't write about because it gives mehigh blood pressure to think about it. And for those that know I have extremely low blood pressure... she is driving me to the nuthouse.
But I love every last one of them.. sassy, shy and insane.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
I wowed them with my Pretzel twisting finesse. Little known fact, I actually used to be a manager at Auntie Anne's... in high school. Good times good times. And if anything I walked away with the ability to twist a pretzel like it's my job. Because it was my job. It paid for cute shoes and expensive shampoo.
This is the recipe we used. Loved it.
1 1/4 c. warm water
1 TB. active dry yeast
3 3/4 c. all purpose flour
3/4 c. powdered sugar
1 1/2 tsp. salt
2 tsp. veg., canola, whatever kind oil
1 1/4 c. baking soda
1/4 c. butter melted or more.
A separate bowl with 4 cups of warm water (not boiling, but slightly over-warm)
1. Dissolve yeast in 1 1/4 c. warm water, set aside.
2. Combine flour, sugar, salt in a large bowl. Add yeast mixture and oil. Stir with spoon and then use your hands to form a ball. Knead on a floured surface for 5 mins. Place the dough in a slightly oiled bowl and cover with a warm towel, leave to rise for about 45 mins. until double.
3. Preheat oven to 425.
4. Make the 4 c. warm water bath and add baking soda, stir until mostly dissolved.
5. Remove dough from bowl and divide. (It says 8 even portions, and roll out three feet long and twirl in to pretzel shape. )
6. Dip each pretzel briefly into the baking soda bath. You can either blot on a paper towel or give it a shake. Put on a greased baking sheet and bake for 4-5 mins. and turn pan around for another 4-5 mins. When done, Dip briefly in melted butter and drain on paper towels. IF you want the salted kind, sprinkle with salt before baking. If you want cinnamon sugar, dip in cinn. sugar mix after dipping in butter. Enjoy!