Thursday, June 30, 2011

Make up and life

I am all about natural consequences. Life lessons.
If you put your hand in fire, you get burned.
If you leave meat in the car, it's going to stink.
If you piss in the wind....well you will get wet.
That kind of thing. So naturally, I let my children learn about life in the same manner.
Baloney just got the ol' "don't trust your sibling....ever" lesson.

They were playing make over, which is just a pretty pink train case filled with old make up of mine. The drugstore kind. Not my expensive stuff, cuz I don't care if I ever use it, that pile of colorfullness cost this momma money. Baloney's turn to get made over. She did get to choose the colors and products, but the rest was left in the hands of the make up artist, in this case, was of course, Oldielocks.

She was real convincing, that big sister of hers.
"Ooooh, these colors make your eyes look amazing"
"I would love for this look to be done on me"
"Blue, like a pretty peacock."

All while Middle, who should never play poker since she would lose piles of money, is giggling her little face off. I hear them tell her to get down and go look in the mirror. Bare feet race across the floor, light switch turns on, and

"oh. my. goodness.......WHAT IS THAT!?!?!?!"

and then I hear explosive laughter and falling to the ground from the other room.
Ten seconds later, I hear those same little barefeet banging up the stairs and slamming into my room.

"LOOK AT ME! I've been turned into a hideous monster!" said a serious Baloney in a serious voice.

And then I exploded in laughter. Much to her dismay of course. I think she was most offended when I asked her to grab my camera. I told her I wanted to capture this moment. I told her it was important to remember this moment when Oldielocks wants to help her with prom make up. She stormed away with a "thanks a lot."

awww, life lessons. I still hear sisters giggling.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Ripped in 30

I have not been shy about being a Jillian Michaels fan. She has whooped my butt into shape many times, and I'm back to asking her to do it again. This time it's the "I-just-gave-birth-to-a-oblong-bowling-ball-that-turned-my-belly-into-a-deflated-balloon" look that I am trying to get rid of. And let's be real, it looks like a cheap 10 cents balloon. The kind that turns white when you blow it up so when it deflates it is wrinkly, saggy, striped and looks like a dog chewed it and spit it out. That's the state of my ab region at the moment.

I went and saw my ol' pal Jill sittin on the shelf in Target and looky there, she is sportin a new video. Don't mind if I try it out, I tell her. I trust you... I said and brought her home.

Where she turned on me. Perhaps there is not a funnier sight than a 2 month postpartum mom, attempting to do butt kicks in her living room. With huge milk laden jugs that every sports bra within a 50 mile radius ran from. I swear I did just one butt kick and my left one bounced up to the sky and back low to the ground like a 400lb gorilla on a trampoline. Not pretty. My son had a milk shake for his next feeding, that I know.

Jillian asked me to get on the ground and do one minute of abs. Seriously, it's one minute. I can soo do one minute of abs.

I didn't even last ten seconds.

That's what I'm working with. 8 second rebound rate in the abdominal department. Riding bulls I'd be a hero...but instead that chick told me to push it through. Lady- I got a deflated balloon and two huge 845 lbs knockers. Don't worry about me pushing things through. I'm about to steam roll stuff if I don't get some strength back and soon. I spent the rest of that minute on the floor, watching her and her perfect abs get it done. Show 0ff.

I'll admit, day one was a failure. big fat F in the work out department. I don't do failure well.... so I did what any spiteful gym rat would do....

I made a lemon mernigue pie. And named it Jillian.

(and then the joke was on me, because I messed it up. And it turned out weird. Tasted well..but shrunk. I guess I'm back to meeting with Jillian in the morning.)

In the end I still swear by Jillian...swear by and swear at. It works for me.

Reflection of the way I see things

Not much has been posted on this blog... and I miss it. I tried doing a different blog, but it wasn't me. This is MY blog, for years it was where I spoke and laughed and cried. It captured my thoughts, feeling and bad grammar. And laughs. I cracked myself up on this blog. Then I let someone dictate the direction in which I took my blog and that was a bad choice.

So it's back. It's here to stay. I'm always going to have people who don't agree. I'm always going to have stalkers that have no business knowing about the going ons in my life, but they will look anyways. My goal is to make them come back for more. Seriously, stalk away. I have a tracker on this thing. Make me the topic of your discussions. I need the laughs too.

Happy to be home. Let's get this party re-started.