Monday, June 01, 2009
Grass is always greener
Sometimes I wish it would go away.
I've lived back in California for almost 3 years. Three years of making memories, making a "place" for us. It's funny, growing up I longed to be Laura Ingalls Wilder. To live in a little house on a prairie. I was drawn to country, victorian houses, and a simpler way to be. I had blue skies, a beach not 5 minutes away, and yet I always wanted something else.
That's why when I made the choice to go meet my husband in Ohio, I took it. I remember arriving in his little, but big town. It was fashioned after a town square in New England, and it stole my heart. Hanging baskets from every lam post, tiny neighborhood grocery store, farmer's market on Saturday. Fireflies illuminating the hot summer nights. Peonies brighten the yards as a late winter surprise, early summer greeting. I do love peonies. Big, pink peonies. Cape cod style houses. Vintage farm houses. Victorian houses. It absolutely captivated my dream of beautiful houses. So.... I stayed. I stayed for 8 years. A million reasons made the list of why we moved. Back to the coast, the San Diego paradise many desire.
I should consider myself lucky.
I do, truly I do. Yet a very big part of me longs for my Ohio. I saw some photos the other day and I saw the green grass. Oh, the green green grass and green green trees. If I had seen peonies, I might have turned into a blubbering mess. It tugs, pulls and makes me want it back. I want my buckeye fever back. Where everyone in the city goes crazy. Here they look at my buckeye leaf like it is drug paraphanelia. I want my children to be out chasing fireflies. And going to schools with only 300 students. Not just being # 6 and #14 in school that has a thousand kids in it. I want my crisp falls, playing in the red, gold, and orange leaves. To drive by the hospital where my three beautiful girls entered this world. And the friends..........There are no words.
Quite honestly, I just want to be happy with where I am. Happy with why I'm here. I feel that I am, until I see a small reminder of...... home. I know the reasons why I fell in love with Ohio. The biggest reason is right here with me. I just want to know, when, if ever, the pain of leaving goes away. If I can ever look at pictures and not feel my heart tug in a thousand directions.