Sunday, July 19, 2009

Who's who in the Moms Supreme Court

I have friends with babies, all who love them dearly, all who absolutely adore the ever loving piss out of their offspring. So tell me why I get phone calls full of self doubt, sadness and just struggling with how to raise their babies? One reason; Other moms. Since when did we become a society of black rode wearing, sittin high on a bench, looking down on women, bunch of mothers? Seriously, lay off already. Unless your name is preceded with a "Your Honor", you need to step down and take a seat.

I'm tired of this new wave of mothering where if you give your child formula, you might as well give them rat poison. If you give them a pacifier, you are eliminating their form of communication. If you give them food before 6 months you are setting them up for a life full of allergies. That if you don't strap them to your body, your are making them feel abandoned. If you don't let them sleep in your bed, they are emotionally unstable. If you give them jar food, you don't care enough. If you had an epidural, then you are a quitter. And a c-section, you took the easy way out. If your baby cries for more than half a second, you are the absolute devil.

I think it's about time, that it is made clear, there is so much more to being a mom than what you do. In what way you do it. Being a mom entails bawling your eyes out when you can't breastfeed. And bawling your eyes out when you can, and it hurts. Bad. So you don't want too.

It means bawling your eyes out as you fold away the 0-3 month sizes of clothing, and then 3-6 month, knowing your baby will never be that small again.

It means being a cheerleader for rolling over, crawling, walking, running. For going pee pee on the potty, doing back flips for poopy on the potty. It means cheering the loudest at the soccer game, if your kids is the one running in the wrong direction.

It means keeping your cool when your favorite picture gets ruined. Or dress. Or couch. Or computer. And it's okay when you need to leave the room to calm down, because really, the computer? That's not an easy fix. Or being calm when you have to listen to whine #7264. And yelling louder than you want to when whine #7265 comes out anyways.

It means celebrating birthdays, report cards, good behavior, words. Or sometimes the ability to do what other children do a thousand times a day.

It's about being afraid they won't succeed. About if they are learning the right way. The right things. Will they be kind?Compassionate? Will they learn to accept people for who they are, and how they do things?

It means loving your kid enough to say no. Say it a lot. Say I love you. Say it a lot. By saying both, they know that you do. And loving them more, just.to.love.them.

I think moms need to realize that it's about so much more than what you feed them, when you feed them, who cries, and who doesn't. Where they sleep, where they play, who plays with them. Who works, who stays at home. I cannot point out in a crowd who was breastfeed, who co-slept, who had a pacifier, who cried......let it go.

Don't sweat the small stuff, the cloth vs. disposable, boob vs. formula, crib vs. bed, it's the bigger stuff that matters.

5 comments:

Not Your Aunt Bea said...

Thank you for this post.

Using what someone recently posted on my blog, different things are important in different ways to different people...meaning every mom is going to do it her own way. And like I tell my 3 year old, I need to worry about me and my kids, not what so-and-so and her child(ren) is or is not doing.

Thanks.

TheGirlYou'llNeverKnow said...

In the last 9 years, there is one very important thing I have learned during my time as a mother of 3, trust yourself, and your instincts and screw everyone else ;)...

Polly Wolly said...

Amen, sistah! :) Thanks for posting that!

heedpantsnow said...

Oh yay! I was needing this today. And probably every day. Thank you for such a great post. As I wake up every day, I decide to try and be a better mom than the day before. Some days I succeed and some days I fail...miserably. But it's never for lack of love! And thank goodness I can decide to do it....every single day with no regard for the one that came before.

Cotton Corners said...

Here Here!! You nailed it down cold. Those who can't back off, can SHUT UP!! Thanks and well said!!