It's spring break time.
So I made banana chocolate chip pancakes today. I love those things. So do the kiddos and surprisingly, the husband raved about them. And I thought they wouldn't be his style, since he's not an overly sweet breakfast kind of guy. We don't use syrup, just the bananas and choco chips in them are flavor enough.
They found a chocolate chip that melted into the shape of a heart. And i thought to myself, that yes, it truly is the little things.
I then took the girls to Justice, so Oldielocks could buy a gift for a friend and spend her own birthday gift cards. When we got to the register, I couldn't find one of her gift cards. It was a $20 dollar one. So I pitched in the extra 20, but then kicked myself for it. She didn't see bummed, or worried about the gift card. I mean shed a tear or something, kid. I was annoyed by her lack of caring/ responsibility.... or so it seemed. I was struggling with feelings of parent failure/she will grow up to be a beverly hills diva when she came to me with 20 dollars of her piggy bank money. Her own thoughts to make it right. Which made me smile/sad/glad/tired/proud/ all at the same time.
To which I started think about how parenting sucks. This stuff isn't easy. Too many people want it to be easy, so they let the kids make the adult choices. Because it's just easier that way. Not here, not today.
I know I want my girls to feel just like this when they mother their own children. If I let them grow up feeling that only their feelings matter, that life is always about them, then I will be doing them a big disservice. I want them to feel like crap when they do wrong. Even if it's on accident. Even if it wasn't intentional. I know I would feel like poo if I lost 20 bucks, so she should too. And she did. Just later than I would have and that's okay too.
Maybe tomorrow I will write about something more lighthearted, but today mothering has taken over.