Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Ripped in 30


I have not been shy about being a Jillian Michaels fan. She has whooped my butt into shape many times, and I'm back to asking her to do it again. This time it's the "I-just-gave-birth-to-a-oblong-bowling-ball-that-turned-my-belly-into-a-deflated-balloon" look that I am trying to get rid of. And let's be real, it looks like a cheap 10 cents balloon. The kind that turns white when you blow it up so when it deflates it is wrinkly, saggy, striped and looks like a dog chewed it and spit it out. That's the state of my ab region at the moment.

I went and saw my ol' pal Jill sittin on the shelf in Target and looky there, she is sportin a new video. Don't mind if I try it out, I tell her. I trust you... I said and brought her home.

Where she turned on me. Perhaps there is not a funnier sight than a 2 month postpartum mom, attempting to do butt kicks in her living room. With huge milk laden jugs that every sports bra within a 50 mile radius ran from. I swear I did just one butt kick and my left one bounced up to the sky and back low to the ground like a 400lb gorilla on a trampoline. Not pretty. My son had a milk shake for his next feeding, that I know.

Jillian asked me to get on the ground and do one minute of abs. Seriously, it's one minute. I can soo do one minute of abs.

I didn't even last ten seconds.

That's what I'm working with. 8 second rebound rate in the abdominal department. Riding bulls I'd be a hero...but instead that chick told me to push it through. Lady- I got a deflated balloon and two huge 845 lbs knockers. Don't worry about me pushing things through. I'm about to steam roll stuff if I don't get some strength back and soon. I spent the rest of that minute on the floor, watching her and her perfect abs get it done. Show 0ff.

I'll admit, day one was a failure. big fat F in the work out department. I don't do failure well.... so I did what any spiteful gym rat would do....

I made a lemon mernigue pie. And named it Jillian.

(and then the joke was on me, because I messed it up. And it turned out weird. Tasted well..but shrunk. I guess I'm back to meeting with Jillian in the morning.)

In the end I still swear by Jillian...swear by and swear at. It works for me.

2 comments:

Lena Medina said...

Well, at least you got an "A" for trying...
You are so funny! Glad to see you posting again...I missed you!

Mietz said...

I LOVE Jillian. She has busted my butt into a whole new world. Now I didn't see that new video....now I'll have to go get that one!!!