Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Ripped in 30

I have not been shy about being a Jillian Michaels fan. She has whooped my butt into shape many times, and I'm back to asking her to do it again. This time it's the "I-just-gave-birth-to-a-oblong-bowling-ball-that-turned-my-belly-into-a-deflated-balloon" look that I am trying to get rid of. And let's be real, it looks like a cheap 10 cents balloon. The kind that turns white when you blow it up so when it deflates it is wrinkly, saggy, striped and looks like a dog chewed it and spit it out. That's the state of my ab region at the moment.

I went and saw my ol' pal Jill sittin on the shelf in Target and looky there, she is sportin a new video. Don't mind if I try it out, I tell her. I trust you... I said and brought her home.

Where she turned on me. Perhaps there is not a funnier sight than a 2 month postpartum mom, attempting to do butt kicks in her living room. With huge milk laden jugs that every sports bra within a 50 mile radius ran from. I swear I did just one butt kick and my left one bounced up to the sky and back low to the ground like a 400lb gorilla on a trampoline. Not pretty. My son had a milk shake for his next feeding, that I know.

Jillian asked me to get on the ground and do one minute of abs. Seriously, it's one minute. I can soo do one minute of abs.

I didn't even last ten seconds.

That's what I'm working with. 8 second rebound rate in the abdominal department. Riding bulls I'd be a hero...but instead that chick told me to push it through. Lady- I got a deflated balloon and two huge 845 lbs knockers. Don't worry about me pushing things through. I'm about to steam roll stuff if I don't get some strength back and soon. I spent the rest of that minute on the floor, watching her and her perfect abs get it done. Show 0ff.

I'll admit, day one was a failure. big fat F in the work out department. I don't do failure well.... so I did what any spiteful gym rat would do....

I made a lemon mernigue pie. And named it Jillian.

(and then the joke was on me, because I messed it up. And it turned out weird. Tasted well..but shrunk. I guess I'm back to meeting with Jillian in the morning.)

In the end I still swear by Jillian...swear by and swear at. It works for me.


Lena Medina said...

Well, at least you got an "A" for trying...
You are so funny! Glad to see you posting again...I missed you!

Mietz said...

I LOVE Jillian. She has busted my butt into a whole new world. Now I didn't see that new video....now I'll have to go get that one!!!