Friday, October 28, 2011

pants on the grounnnnd

It seems more and more these days that boys are wearing those tight skinny jeans. Boys+tight+skinny+Jeans= big fat fashion fail. Not cute. Not hot. Not anything.
In fact, if I ever crossed the threshold of this house with a pair of skinny jeans for my husband, I might find myself committed. Because he would drive me to the nearest looney bin, drop me off with trash bag of clothes and skinny jeans in hand and a big fat post it note stuck to my forehead that reads "Insane in her skinny jean membrane." And likewise. He can leave the skinny jeans in the store, with the tags on, snuggling next to the obnoxious fluorescent colors.

However, some little 6th grade boy walking to middle school does have an insane mother. Because he was rockin the skinny jeans. Some funky magenta purple gray colored ones. Normally I don't notice the color or the style, I'm busy driving.
Not today.
Not only was he rockin the skinny, he was rocking the sag. Those things were like a barney colored vice grip around his thighs. I have no idea how they were staying up, unless he was in a constant quad which case I'm rockin that style cuz I need me some quad muscles.

So his pants are huggin- er sagging, and it looks like he has his gray colored t shirt tucked in. Which I am thinking to myself, what is the point? Pull your pants up, give your dainty bits some breathing room, and it all looks the same. No one really believes his butt starts at 3 inches past the knees anyways. Is this impressive to middle school girls or something? If so, me and the girl will have a chat about boys who wear tight jeans around their ankles....thighs, I meant thighs.

As the car is creepin along in the drop off line, skinny pants sag master flex is joking and talking and then......I realized that's not his shirt tucked in. That's his gray drawers. His boxer shorts. His underwear. His long johns. Of course they are. Because it's part of the cool. You wanna know how I know for certain it was his drawers? his dirty drawers?

Cuz there was a stain.

brown brown brown brown stain. In the center. Brown eyed winking stain. I started hyperventilating with laughter and horror. It was right where you think a stain would be. Not overly obvious, but still. A giant skidmark in his cool traffic plan.

And all I could think of was.......

serves him right. I hope he is embarrassed by his smudgey stinky shorts. Next time keep that under wraps and no one will know.

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