Thursday, March 06, 2008

Grandma's got game

I was chatting it up with my grandma the other day. She's getting older over 80, but still very with it. After she told me all about hemming her pants, and how she just HATES to buy pants because she has "short little legs that get her nowhere fast", she went on to tell me about her doctor appointment. I always cringe a little bit because last time she told me about her colonoscopy. And tomatoes. And that the two don't mix. As if I was wondering. *shudder*

So she is going to have a procedure on her back. Because she has pains in her hip. And she has never felt pain like that except for during childbirth. And she's certain there is no "big headed baby"about to spring from her loins. She thought for weeks it was her artificial knee, because it weighs 5 pounds. According to her. I don't know if she's weighed it or what,but she is adamant that knee weighs 5 pounds more than the other one. I asked her if she had a 100,000 mile warranty on that ol' body of hers. She said that she has passed 100,000 and they have come out with newer models. I just let her know they don't make them like they used to. I'm the perfect grandchild like that.

She then tells me that she was watching "the travel channel or discovery channel, and nothing but a bunch of naked wild men running around!" I asked her if she was staring at their whooo nannies all wrapped up and strapped to a belt around their waist. She laughed like a school girl and said she showed Pompa. (My grandpa) The hillybilly in him guffawed and said "Sugar, whatcha watching them naked boys for? They'll be pissin' in their faces running around all tied up like that." My grandparents hold nothing back, language and all.

And lastly she told me her friend was calling. Her friend got a divorce but found a new man on the internet. She wouldn't know where to plug the computer in at, let alone find men on it. But if she needed to, she could snap one up. I told her I better not find her sending out personal ads. She said she didn't think they had a category for old lady with a big behind, built like a brick.....uh.... shitaki house. Without the -aki. I agreed. I don't need to find an ad about how Grandma got her groove back.

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