Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Sprint sucks

Meh. Not a fan. They can never get anything straight. I wake up this morning, and try to use my cell. Not meaning that I rolled over and popped open my phone , yawned into the phone with hours old stinky saliva breath and started pushing buttons, more like 45 minutes later. Got to take advantage of the free minutes calling the east coast amigos. I love my friends, but they take a second seat to my calling plan.

Wouldn't you know my phone doesn't work. It directs me to the finance center. Um really? Before you think I'm a deadbeat bill payer, I pay my bills. On time... MOST of the time. I have slacked once or twice in my life, not like I go get my hair did and not pay for milk for my babies or something as money grubbin as all that. I knew for one the sprint bill had just been paid. Sprint and I have been a few rounds before, them getting my stuff all mixed up, harassing the wrong number, etc.

*ring ring* *ringring ring* *ring* *RING RING RING*
*******connecting with finance department*********

"I'm Ms. AnsweringPhonesandIhateit. Can I have your 10 digit telephone number?"
"Sure its 888-978-1234"
"Secret pin, blood type, feces culture and first child hood boo boo info please."
"yeah yeah here ya go yeah"
"How can I help you?"

(I ask about the phone, she says I owe, (I don't remember) getting my stuff mixed up again)
sends my call over to Susan in India........

I would repeat that convo over here, except for I couldn't understand any of it, just a lot of "Let me just confirm that....yes....please hold...thanks for holding...I will confirm..."

sends my call to Summer in America
Summer can't help, she's finance.

"Well this is the number they put me through to."
"You need to talk to customer care."
"I just talked to Customer care. They didn't. Care that is. They obviously transferred me to you."
"Mmm hmmmm. Well I can't help you. Let me see if I can find someone to help you."
"That would be super fantastic."

******whole lot of cheesy fantastic elevator waiting music going on. breaking in and out....crappy Sprint reception.**********

"My supervisor says they can't help because the account in question is not yours."
"Huh? I just want to know why my phone is off. You say I owe and I don't. You have someone's account mixed in mine. Not my problem. Turn my phone on. And we can all go have a nice day."
"Can't. Until the account is paid."
"Once again, you have mixed up the two. Fix it."
"can't. You're not the account holder on that account."

(OMG. OMG. OMG. I have 3 kids and all the hair on my head. Why is it I talk to Sprint and feel like I need to slit my wrists and dip them in a vat of bleach. Or rancid rat poison. Whichever is more painful.)

"Let me talk to the supervisor."
"I'll try to find one."

(try to find one? Isn't that your JOB? Are they hiding under rocks or shooting the shitaki in the West Indies? Are you serious? TRY to find one? Please, don't put yourself out on my account. I would hate for you to have to go above and beyond.)

"I'm RobinRudeAssPhoneSupervisorWhoPlaysSolitaireBecauseMyPersonalityandmyjobsucksthatbad."
"Yeah, hi...yada..whole phone story..mix up...fix it..."
"Mam, you have been told, until it has been paid....(mind you, someone owed70 bucks....really)
"NOT MY ACCOUNT. Do you not have the notations where I have called in the past about this identity crisis before?"
"No, we do not."
"Look, I talked to xyz on this date, here is the confirmation number, lmnop on this date and snoop dogg on this day. Now, I wasn't lonely with no one to talk to. They supposedly took care of this, why is it happening again?"
"I can't turn the phone back on until it is paid. Maybe you should pay what you owe, and you wouldn't have to call us."
"I do not owe, Joe Blow does. Your mistake not mine."
"If you want to pay his, more than likely yours, account..."
"Oh I can't get this taken care off, but I can pay his bills?"
"That's right, just like I could pay your bill mam."
"Oh no, you couldn't pay my bill. You see, you work at Sprint. The peanuts they pay you to have the pleasant attitude and not know how to do your job would not pay my bills at all. But thanks anyways. Let's get back to why I am calling."

She spent the next 5 minutes speaking so loud, interrupting me, and talking over me as if I hadn't spoke a word at all.
I let her know that if I had known that I was going to have a front row seat, wasting an hour at the Sprint circus today, I would have at least bought popcorn. She didn't find the humor in my statement, and let me know so. Meh. as if her opinion mattered.
Yes, in the end I was rude. I started out nice. I believe in killing them with kindness, and if not, say the most asinine, funniest comment ever. And when you suck as bad as Sprint does, the more fun I will have. Asshats.

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