Wednesday, January 14, 2009


dear fat,

I've spent days, thinking about how to break the news to you, but I'm not one who sugar coats things.I'll break it to you like this:

You gots to go.

It's been fun, all our little trips to McDonalds, Del Taco, my fav mexican restaurant. Chri
stmas cookies, egg nog, home style cookin. I've appreciated your company, but you're taking over.
You leave your sloppy mess wherever you are. Have you seen my arse? You just moved right in and started rearranging things. I don't even think we need to mention "french fries' and you start creepin all your junk into my belly. Like you own the joint. We don't have the same goals, or plans. I see that cute bikini, and you try to steer me over to the one piece with fat decorating skirt. Not

It's been real, but I'm getting a restraining order.

So that's the start of my WTF. Ch Ch Ch CHanges around here. I'm trying to get my fitness on, and bought Jillian Michaels 30 day Shred. She's from the Biggest Loser, and I've seen the winners. She must know something.

I pop that bad boy in, and start doing jumping jacks. I can jump, and I keep jumping, then pretty soon, I'm squatting, and pushing, and lifting, and sweating like a whole harlem in church. The girl is ruthless. There are no breaks, there's no let's discuss this. It's make or break. And I swear my bones are breaking. Crack by crack I can feel it
. She then has us do more squats, and lifts, and jumping. Then she had the NERVE, to tell me, right through the Tv, looking at me in my sweat drippin eye, that if 400 pound people can do jumping jacks and jump rope, then so can I.


First of all, Miss Jillian slave driver, general boot camp, I can jump. Give me some credit. Second of all, my heart is racing, I am panting, and sweat
ing like a filthy beast. Because fealthy beast sweat is the worst of all. 400 pound people ain't got nothin on me. Trying to say I am a weakling. As if. I'm standing here, literally kicking my own ass - which she has you do like a million times in this video. I so wanted to shove a cupcake in her face.

She continues to make me work out, during which I continue to cuss out her mom, her grandma and her little dog too. Seriously I do. Half the time Jillian is walking around, pointing out her helpers so I'd like to see her do this whole workout without crying.

The cool down was awesome. It involved me, layi
ng on my bed, encouraging them to finish. After all, they got paid. Besides I don't think I could have gotten up if I tried.

Here is what the dvd looks like, in case you like to be tortured. I'll let you know if it was worth it.


Monogramchick said...

Oh my gosh, can I just say that you are hysterical! I will be bookmarking you and coming back for more side splitting laughs!

Lisa and Jamie said...

Oh Nea! I hurt just reading that! I hate sweating and agree that filthy beast sweating is the worst. I'll ask you if it was worth it in 30 days. :) Good luck with Jillian!