Thursday, March 12, 2009

Why the Internet tries to sabotage my healthy ways....

I have 3 kids.

Three different births, the last a c-section. People have c-sections all the time. The difference in mine was it is straight down my stomach. Not the cute little bikini cut that will hide itself when you work off all the baby weight and buy a skimpy bikini to hang out on the beaches of St. Tropez. Nope, mine is from belly button to pubic bone. It almost needs slices on the side to be an arrow. Pointing down... towards the business. Then I will tattoo "Not always an exit" on it. Because I am creative like that. The whole point in telling you about my split gut is that it does just that. Indents a little inward. And when I gain weight.. Holy moose knuckle. Like a huge cameltoe..... but on my stomach. yes I said cameltoe. I just watch it get baggier. Then I have nightmares of Jon and Kate plus 8, the way her stomach looked pre-tummy tuck. Elphantitis of the stomach flab.

So that and the fact that I swear my backfat and buttfat have decided meet, become BFF's, and be joined at the hip, I have (for real this time, really really reals) decided the chunk has got to go. I even bought an elliptical. Then I learned that you have to use it to become effective. And while you use it, you have to step away from the french fries. Even Del Taco french fries. and cheese enchiladas. And learn that it is cool to eat an apple a day.

Last Monday, I jumped on that elliptical and became a filthy, sweaty beast. And every day since... for a half hour. I feel like I am gonna die....then I just say (in time to the movement) "I will be hot, I will be hot, I will be hot." Because that's my goal. Absolute hotness. Goodbye belly blubber, hello bikini. and uh... pants that fit. I'm eating everything healthy, and fresh. I'm lovin it.

I need recipes for my new hot life. So I'm looking around my favorite food porn website, Foodgawker, and this pictures jumped out and did a striptease in front of me.





THIN MINT CUPCAKES!?!?!?!?!
Holy mother of yumminess!

Thin mint is my favorite girl scout cookie. And oh my sweet heavens... a cupcake.... with them....it's such a love story. I went all over this website... and it has coconut cake, and lemon cakes, it all looks amazing.

So would someone please make these. I can't make them. Fatbag belly, remember. I could do just one........

Must... stay... strong.....

2 comments:

~s said...

hahahahahahahaha!!!

i'd make them, but i'm convinced i have cankles and can't give up doritos. so i can't. oh sad...

they look amazing tho! YUM!

Polly Wolly said...

Sorry..can't make 'em. I'm all "Saggy Baggy Elephant". I've had my share of Thin Mints in the last few weeks and now I'm back on a plan of sorts.