Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Kidnapper Van

Kidnapper van.

My childhood fear. In my little 80's mind, as I played freely blocks away and in open fields, I had a sense of security. I know I would scream and kick the nuts of anyone who would ever try to steal me. Though once Kidnapper Ken and his gang realized the loudmouth they were dealing with, I would have been quickly dumped on the side of the road like a watered down slurpee.

I had the scenario in my head, and that was that I could spot a kidnapper a mile away. After all, they would be driving the Kidnapper Van. A van from the seventies, with rust spots and no windows. If it happened to be luxurious, it would have windows, but tinted ones. It would be white, or blue, maybe with P. Piper Plumbing on the side as a decoy, but smart kids like me would Go-Go Gadget inspect it and know it was a false business. It would creak up and down the street, and leak oil, while a leathery man with rat nasty facial hair would stare out the window at us neighborhood kidlets, like he was picking out a fancy watch. Lucky for me, no such van ever made it's way on my street, but by golly, I knew a kidnapper mobile when I saw one.

One time, my friend and I were about 15, walking from the store to her house. We were talking about boys, school, boys and food. and boys. I heard the sound that made my innards cringe, and turned around to see.... THE KIDNAPPER VAN. The one that has haunted my childhood, the one that for sure was going to take me away. It was white, long, old, no windows and dirty as a mud wrestler working on a railroad, which is, of course, extremely dirty. I told her run, and we ran, as fast as we could, up the hill, adrenalin pumping, sweating and puffing away. The van followed us and we slid around the corner and a few houses down to her house. The van parked up at the neighbors and they got out. They probably wondered just what kind of swarm of bees stung us on the butt, we ran that fast. All because of the Kidnapper Van. True story.

Today, on a walk, I pointed out to the hubby, "Oh, that is a total kidnapper van." It met all the criteria: pale blue, seventies, the brokest looking car ever, tinted windows.
He agreed.

At least I know I am not the only kid who feared the Kidnapper Van.

7 comments:

sarah said...

funny. i think of those when i see maroon kia minivans......ironic.

TheGirlYou'llNeverKnow said...

Haha, I saw a white kidnapper van today, (no windows) while I was out and about doing preop stuff. I thought of you and grinned real big. Made me think of this guy that use to live down the street from my two girl cousins, he lived there for a long time, they use to do small jobs for him till an article ran in the paper about him being a CHILD MOLESTER!!! Ekk huh!!! He had a van, I kid you not.

Polly Wolly said...

Nope, you're not the only kid to have had thoughts of the Kidnapper Van! There was a guy in our neighborhood (in the seventies)...with a van! He would watch out his window while we played, while he sniffed glue and tried to hide it in a Wonder Bread bag. My dad almost ran him over on purpose~um, he was breaking into my sister's bedroom window one night when we were returning home. Seriously creepy!

teachmom said...

I concur that the Kidnipper Van is a national phenomenon. Better yet, I always wondered WHICH icecream truck was the one who poisoned the candy. That was a big thing in the 80's, too...icecream men poisoning the children. To this day, I still won't buy icecream or candy from them.....

Anonymous said...

Around and in my neighbor hood theres a red van man who is a kidnapper. Theres a rumor going around for like a couple years and i dont know if its true or not but its kinda realistic. I'll tell it anyway. Well, a couple years ago te red van man came to ur neighborhood and parked on the street by my house cause across the street is a little park where surprisingly a little four year old girl was sitting there by herself with absalutly noone around her. except the rev van man. And the red van man walked up to the little girl and grabbed her. And smart of this little girl she kicked everywhere(including the nuts) and screamedher loudest and the only person that could hear here was this little three year old boy(younger than the girl.) And the littleboy ran and poked both of the kidnappers eyes, which made the guy let go of the girl and they both ran off together to tell the little boys parents and the police were called and their still on the search for the little red van man. Whatch out! (Some people like to call it also the little marooon van man. Either way its a redish/maroonish little van with either a man or woman in the drivers seat alone or companied.) Ture Story. Well i think it is. idk if it is or not but its a good story anyway. The red/maroon van man has also tooken some other little-teenagers. He has a record, and hes never been caught. at least i dont think so. But the police say they'll never girve up!

Anonymous said...

Around and in my neighbor hood theres a red van man who is a kidnapper. Theres a rumor going around for like a couple years and i dont know if its true or not but its kinda realistic. I'll tell it anyway. Well, a couple years ago te red van man came to ur neighborhood and parked on the street by my house cause across the street is a little park where surprisingly a little four year old girl was sitting there by herself with absalutly noone around her. except the rev van man. And the red van man walked up to the little girl and grabbed her. And smart of this little girl she kicked everywhere(including the nuts) and screamedher loudest and the only person that could hear here was this little three year old boy(younger than the girl.) And the littleboy ran and poked both of the kidnappers eyes, which made the guy let go of the girl and they both ran off together to tell the little boys parents and the police were called and their still on the search for the little red van man. Whatch out! (Some people like to call it also the little marooon van man. Either way its a redish/maroonish little van with either a man or woman in the drivers seat alone or companied.) Ture Story. Well i think it is. idk if it is or not but its a good story anyway. The red/maroon van man has also tooken some other little-teenagers. He has a record, and hes never been caught. at least i dont think so. But the police say they'll never girve up!

raydavenport40 said...

If you dont mind me asking, how exactly do a lone man grab, snacth and kidnap a woman or girl off the street, force her into a van and still able to drive the van all by himself? especially if the woman is running, kicking and screaming and fighting when inside the van, how is that physically possible?