Wednesday, September 19, 2007

To the lady breastfeeding her child

We were both at the same public, function, intended for kids. Kids and babies alike get hungry. I get that. I have 3 kids. They are all well-fed, and have been since the beginning. I mean, there are nights that they won't eat the filth we call chicken and rice or tacos, or the nights that we have the audacity to place a new pile of shlop on their plates, but for the most part, their basic needs are met.

Obviously your Little Tyke needed to eat. He was about 2, so one could assume you would bring a bag full of snacks. Not you, you brought out the breast. And while I sit here and point this out, let me reassure you that I have NOTHING against breastfeeding. Nothing against bottle feeding, whatever it takes to get the job done. However we could have totally done away with the huge wall of uncomfortable had you not let Little Tyke nurse, turn around, play, walk away, all with your chest bared in all it's natural glory. Just letting it hang there, like it was an accessory on your chest. I really felt bad for you, wondering if you had forgot about the lone ranger, out of it's holster. I even contemplated saying something, but your glances down and around, and picking him back up to "eat", cast a spell of awkward that I just couldn't break. Point blank it was gross. And while my chest might be a stunt double for a documentary about Aborigines, yours was twice as much. It wasn't pretty. And it's hard to keep an eye on my kids, with you sitting around with Flopsy hanging out. We had to leave, because I'm certain pretty soon it was going to be Mopsy's turn and my eyes had seen enough... for a really long time.

And natural or not, so is a birthday suit and doing the hippity dippity dance... I just don't want to see it. Not in public, not at a table, not yours.

And maybe, next time, brings some goldfish crackers.. or even the animal cracker crumbs in the bottom of your purse would suffice. And if that's too least corral the pony when he's done. Thanks.

Have a nice day,
Lady with bleached out eyeballs.

1 comment:

sarah said...

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!'re SO FLIPPIN HYSTERICAL!!