Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Doggie names

So, my parents have this big, goofy dog. He's husky, shepherd, mutt whatever, and he's huge. As in a very shaggy pony huge. And dumb. Very sad, but true. But you got to love him, because that's what makes him loveable. Being the big lug that he is, he tends to get a very thick coat in the winter. My mom takes him in to get groomed, which is a lot of work, I think they have to special order a machete for that furgalicious look he has.

She goes to get the dog, and they call for him.

"Anus was such a good dog!"
"Anus did so well."
"It took all day to groom Anus."
"See ya next time, Anus."

Now the dog's name isn't Anus. I know these groomers are all into messing around with slimy anal glands, but seriously, did they think my parents named the dog ANUS? The first time my mom heard them say Anus, she thought it was just her hearing, the 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th time, not so much. And my mom is one of the sweetest ladies, and more proper than a church mouse getting baptized, so she was mortified, and wasn't about to correct them on his name. She just left, with cheeks flaming, and her not so fluffy behemoth of a dog, inappropriately named Anus.

She realizes after he gets home, that she forgot Anus's--- er I mean AMOS'S collar. She goes back the next day to pick it up.

Only they have no record of an Amos. And the lady is asking if she was pretty sure he was groomed there? She doesn't remember an Amos. To which my mom mentions that perhaps, he is under the name (and I'm sure she whispered this delicately) "Anus"? The receptionist starts laughing, and says " His name is AMOS? We were calling him Anus! We were wondering all day about his name, and couldn't wait to meet the woman who named her dog Anus!" And of course I giggle massively over the fact that at one point someone had to have muttered about the "hairy Anus" they were grooming in the back. I am all kinds of inappropriate.

Every family has a skeleton, and in mine, it's my mom and her dog named Anus. I guess it's a good thing she didn't go write a bestseller called "Anus and Me."

3 comments:

sarah said...

coming from the girl with a one-legged chicken named Kickstand and some other barnyard freak named one-hung-low?

i thought it was shamos???

Nea said...

No, Amos, as in famous Amos cookies.

Kickstand, One Hung Low, Guacamole, Bruce Lee, Felix the Cat, Nala, Simba, Dumb Cat, we all named. Amos is the only pet my mom named.

TheGirlYou'llNeverKnow said...

My family must have thought I was crazy when I was reading this, I was just rollin, you are too funny, too funny!!! And your poor mom!!!