Thursday, September 04, 2008
Don't drink the water!
It seems that there is a baby epidemic going on. Sooooo many people I know are having babies!! Everywhere I turn, someone else is preggers, and NO, it is not me! Which means I have been having fun making some baby things, and looking, but once you start looking in the baby section, it starts. The little pangs of baby love, the desire to hold baby, soak in the sweetness of baby. For me, it's little wrinkled baby feet. I love them, don't know why. I don't find wrinkled feet attractive on any over 4, by any means, but there is just something about the curled up, pinky, itty bitty feet that makes my uterus ache.
I can't help a little tiny feeling of "why not me?" when I hear that someone else is pregnant. I mean, I know the WHY of why it's not me, but at the same time, I want it to be me. I want ONE more. I love my kids, but there is this feeling of being incomplete that sometimes creeps up on me. This feeling of we aren't done yet with building this family. Which is weird, because in reality we might just be done. I get it. I respect it. I just can't accept it.
I know my husband is scared to death of any future pregnancies. It's a well grounded fear. When you spent months of the last pregnancy dealing with a complication that can be fatal to mother and child, it's real, and it's the first thing he thinks of. So do I. I don't ever want to walk that path again.
So, for now, I will enjoy other's babies. (not the poopy, pukey, crying part) ANd I swear, stop drinking the water, there is something in it.